It’s going to be one of those posts where I’m scared to push the publish button. Which is precisely why I should press it.
One of the first things I experienced at university was right after my parents left. And that was being alone in a room after they left. The freedom smacked me in the face. And like all good things in life, the first thing I did was freeze. I just stared out of the window (it was a big window in my defence, it was the newest and most luxurious of accommodations at Warwick, called Bluebell). What do I do now? I asked myself. I could unpack, naturally. Or I could… what? That’s literally the only sensible thing I could do. OR wait, I had a friend from school there, I could just meet up with her and see how she is unsolving this puzzle called university life.
So that’s what I did, and she was with another friend and they were doing something I can vaguely remember. I think just running errands – walking to the Students’ Union building, things you should probably sort out during your first days there, but as I was overwhelmed by my endless possibilities my priorities weren’t quite set straight yet. Little did I know, they wouldn’t be set straight for another two to three years to come, as life would force it out of me after a series of very unpleasant yet avoidable incidents of irresponsibility and cloudy judgements.
Even my dad offering me cash before leaving couldn’t ease the overwhelming agitation I felt – I just wanted my parents to leave so I wouldn’t feel embarrassed having parents on campus. I wanted to somehow know where my life would be going that day when I’d settle in. I wanted to know what to do, how to do it, what it is I wanted, and many more questions to set me on the right path. Little did I know I was on the right path already. Because there isn’t one to begin with. Well, with the condition that you are grateful for everything. Almost a naïve and blind faith. That way, everything falls in the right place.
I, however, had a very strict definition of the word right. Much so because of my upbringing and my parents. I didn’t want to set a foot wrong. So I unpacked.